the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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