soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
