You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
