fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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