just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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