It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
