I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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