God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
