True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
