Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
