You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My penis needs a shock collar
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
