This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We are two peas in an std pod
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
