He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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