he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
