We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
