this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
