I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
