drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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