Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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