I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
