I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
