I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sext me about skeletons
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
