i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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