they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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