she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
