I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
