he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
