I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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