I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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