You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
