Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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