I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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