so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
