You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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