The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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