Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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