I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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