That's intense
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
