i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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