i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i love accidental penises.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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