I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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