i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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