it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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