my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your penis caused this!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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