He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
