i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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