umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
