what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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