Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
