my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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