I hope mine doesn't look like that
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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