Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
