I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
pray to the hookup gods
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
