I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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