dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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