omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
