Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
