I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
