I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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