I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
