I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
