It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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