just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
