Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
