Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
