my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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