apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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