Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
