Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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